From Mom’s Vision to Them Becoming

by Christin Webb

Regardless of your season of motherhood, you have probably attempted to visualize what type of person your child will become. Every day of motherhood is a learning moment. This year taught me to put my crystal ball away and let my child become. She and I are in the pre-teen season, and every day she shows me a piece of her that I would not have imagined. The question is, how does a mother nurture their child to become who they are and still feel a part of their child’s world even if it is not their vision! Here are three tips to help you navigate your child’s journey to ‘becoming.’

  1. Take Mom Out of the Equation – As mothers, we sometimes make decisions for our children based on our feelings. My daughter has been acting since she was 6. I made the decision that we would go from dance classes to the theater. Six years later, she decided to put more energy into her newfound love for the band. What?! I loved her acting! I was shocked when she initially broke it to me. I had to allow her to explore the band for herself. It was tough, but I learned to remove myself from the equation and focus on her passion.
  2. Converse! Converse! Converse! – Spend more time talking with your child to learn who they are becoming. You want to know what they like, how they feel about certain situations, where they see themselves in the future,
    etc. Keeping a clear line of communication with your child helps you stay on your toes in their journey. This year, my conversations with my pre-teen taught me that she had taken an interest in styling hair. Therefore, I was not caught off guard when we started spending more time on the beauty supply aisle buying styling products. Consistent conversations create a sense of acceptance and understanding in the relationship.
  3. Support and Support Some More – Supporting your child along their ‘becoming’ the journey is imperative. When my daughter chooses different paths from what I envision, as long as the decisions are not detrimental to her livelihood, I have learned that I must support her. Even if that means I am in 40-degree weather watching band performances or spending money on hair products. The support should be ongoing, consistent, and intentional. Support may look like offering her other ideas to consider. It may also look like sitting back quietly yet prepared to provide help as needed. No matter the age or season of life your child is in, they inevitably become someone slightly or widely different from your vision. This year taught me to be more flexible, more accepting of change, and willing to support even when it is not my plan! How are you, or have you allowed your child to become freely?

I’d love to hear from you GG’s!

Christin Webb

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Black History Maker – Memphis Legend Bertha Looney